I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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