Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
