Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
