On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
