:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
