We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
