I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
