Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
