Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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