I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
