Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
