My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
