I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
