I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
