wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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