operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
