New invention idea: vibrating tampons
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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