he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize