What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
