Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize