uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
