I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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