Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a hot homeless man
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
