How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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