the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
