I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
