you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
why do cheetos always look like penises
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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