there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
