I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
