Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
