i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
