Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
