Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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