Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
