Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
