I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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