Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(509): View more from Washington

went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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(248): View more from Michigan

i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money

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(773): View more from Illinois

that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad

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(618): View more from Illinois

the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux

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(513): View more from Ohio

Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

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(613): View more from Ontario

Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1

(705): View more from Ontario

Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?

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