Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
