If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
