If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
