dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize