Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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