Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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