I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
