I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
