PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
