8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize