no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
