its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We don't watch enough power rangers
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
