mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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