my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
