i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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