I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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