On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Congratulations! We have a period
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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