alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
