I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize