i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
