just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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