Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
