Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
