see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
