i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
