so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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