im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
