grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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