when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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