Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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