Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
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