i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
