I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
