i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
