I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
