Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
