found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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