I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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