And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
