Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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