I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
