i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize