His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
