I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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