WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
