I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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