if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
