So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
