You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
