I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
