I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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