I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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