Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
