I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
